Icon for Post #141

Can you be in love with two people at once?

We’ve been asking a lot of experts about love, and one thing we wondered was whether it’s possible to be in love with two people at once.

A lot of people who write pop tunes seem to think this can be a problem. But researchers we talked to aren’t so sure. Anthropologist Helen Fisher says people have three mating drives: lust, romantic love, and long-term attachment. You can love one person and still lust for another, she says, but you can’t feel romantic love for two people at the same time.

“Intense romantic love is very powerful,” she says.

A person in its grips thinks the beloved is uniquely wonderful, uniquely worthy. William Jankowiak, an anthropologist at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, agrees that love and lust are not the same.

“You can have sex with multiple people,” he says, “but there’s a desire to have an intimate bond with one and only one.”

Jankowiak argues that human beings are not sexually monogamous but are emotionally monogamous. He says you can’t be in love with two people at the same time, at least not in the same way. Jankowiak has studied polygynous cultures, and he says that even in societies where a man is supposed to love all of his wives equally, he “found they could not pull it off.” The husband always secretly has one favorite wife, the wife he’s really in love with. Jankowiak refers to this as “illicit monogamy.”

Here’s Jankowiak offering a lecture about love that echoes Helen Fisher’s ideas about the three types of love.

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterEmail to someone

Leave a Comment

  1. I just don’t get the prohibition agasint self-pleasure in the LDS as well as most other religious traditions. It then extends to an issue in a relationship.If you want a 14 year-old boy to not think about sex all day…let him jerk off once in a while…tell him it’s a good thing and he won’t be trying to get into the pants of the first girl that he has a crush on. If you tell him he can’t touch something that is attached TO HIS OWN BODY…you are already asking way too much.The only reason I can come up with to explain the taboo in one having to do with control. The Church is trying to OWN the sexual pleasure of people from a very young age because if they do not OWN it and cede it to the person themselves they will lose control over them.Same with a spouse who thinks its bad for their partner to masturbate. If cedes sexual control to their spouse and it makes them feel as though they aren’t needed. You are right, rhythms and schedules differ but if one spouse has a lesser libido than the other and simply expects their partner to accept it, not understand them enough to provide what they need…how can they be upset that they try to take care of the extra themselves? And why don’t they even participate in it as a loving gesture? It could only be about control.It took me a long time to come to terms with this idea and I have a wife who isn’t threatened by it. Though I would always prefer making love to HER to going SOLO I understand that sex for her while not “in the mood” isn’t good for me either. Short of making love with my wife I would prefer just have her around in some capacity to being by myself.But for one partner to screw up their nose, be grossed out or be horrified by the revelation that masturbation happens is just cruel and should be a taboo unto itself.How dare they?Show me someone who doesn’t like to masturbate once in a while and I will show you someone who isn’t any good in bed anyway. And not being good in bed or not TRYING to be good in bed for one’s partner (eternal or otherwise) should be the biggest taboo of all.

  2. Thanks for the good wishes, Diane! I love the idea of a midwinter transcontinental train chase followed by holiday warmth. It's interesting how many of our holiday ideas are Victorian, isn't it? It makes writing Regency holiday scenes, pre – so many of those traditions, a challenge!

  3. Hi Sherry,Oh, the eyes here are super easy! I applied Benefit Creaseless Cream Shadow in RSVP on the lids and then LORAC Front of the Line Pro liner in black along the lash line. A quick lash curl and two coats of mascara and then I’m done. As for the dress, the designer is Maggy London. I bought it from Nordstrom last summer!

  4. ASPECTOPUNTOSRegistrar la clase1 puntoImagen de la clase0.5 puntosContestar pregunta 1: ¿Qué sucedió en la clase?0.5Contestar pregunta 2: ¿Cómo lo hicieron?0.5Contestar pregunta 3: ¿Qué aprendi en esta clase?0.5Contestar pregunta 4: ¿Qué pregunta aún tengo de la actividad?0.5Contestar pregunta 5: ¿Cuáles ideas nuevas se generan alrededor de la actividad?0.5Diseño propio y original: Personaliza tu cuaderno. No te copies, tú también puedes pensar.1 puntoNOTA FINAL5 PUNTOS: 5.0

  5. Whether you want to time the wetsuit sales or choose used gear online, hand calculators clearly make sure there’s lots of great scuba gear to be had at closeout prices.Points That Distinguish Genuine Mulberry Handbags From Fake Ones http://www.dallt.se As for that messenger bags, they would certainly be a cool method to carrying around your things while being green. A lot of students on college campuses carry them, and them being sported quite a lot in metropolis. The majority of the real mulberry bags are partnered with the valid and authentication card. However, it is not required that associated with authentication means a phone handbag. Specialists seen a large number of time that authentication cards get misplaced or lost by initial company was established owner. However, looking for authentication card is a superior sign in which you. Generally, genuine mulberry authentication cards are brown or cream colored. They will not bend easily quite a few the lettering and stamp impressions would be clear and crisp. In short, you can have no indication of bleeding or blurry image samples. In the sea, the mountains, finding yourself in nature, incorrect the people, we grasp the insignificance regarding secular utilitarian, including “the article ages thing” and reputation for future versions. .

  6. Just think about homosexuals.. Homosexuality was once considered a mental disorder and it’s curing was a science. Being in love with a guy was considered impossible and unnatural…

    And now we say that some different sexual stance is strange, impossible and unnatural…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *